I can’t believe yesterday was 14 years since I lost my mom. It really is crazy how time flies. It still feels like it was not that long ago, I don’t know why. All of the memories flood back into my head and I remember lots of details. “Breathe Again” was on the radio when my sister and brother in law went to the hospital that night. I didn’t go, I stayed there with my two friends. It was your typical mid-November day, with leaves everywhere, on the grass, some still lingering on the trees and all over the sidewalk. The scent was fall-like, kinda like wet leaves. Then when I walked into my house, I saw this beautiful 8X10 picture of mom when she graduated from college. It’s stayed there ever since.
I have always tried to think about the happier times, but it’s hard to on days like yesterday, when so much of what’s surrounding me reminds me of memories of the tougher times. The weather is similar each year during this time, so it brings back those memories with all the sights, scents and feelings. There is a definite feeling of emptiness that even my body felt yesterday, and I never realized that I could actually feel the emptiness. I guess it’s sometimes harder the older I get because I have lived so long without her, that I don’t know what she thinks of the person I’ve become. I can only hope that she is, I guess.
Katie- I am very sorry for your loss. I completely understand about these days surrounding the anniversary. I lost my dad (stepdad) 4 years ago and I still sometimes can’t get over it. Important thing is, take the time for yourself to do the things you need to do on that day or those days to grieve or reflect, its important to take care of you. Great post…glad you could share this with us.
Katie, I know it’s not the same, but I lost my brother 18 years ago on 9/21, I have the same feelings as you. those fall days remind me of him so much. My first essay I wrote about the day he died and I can remember every detail like it is happening at this very moment. In a way I am glad I still can because I don’t want to forget. It is hard but be thankful that we still have the memories. Best wishes!!